How to Stay Unbothered: Holiday Edition

The holidays are upon us, and in many ways, it really is the most wonderful time of the year—there’s twinkling lights, decorations galore, family gatherings, and a ton of festive fun to be had. But let’s be real: there’s also a flip side to all this joyous splendor. We’re talking about the crowds, the expenses, travel delays, messy house guests, overbooked schedules, and expectations flying at you from every direction. Now, I’m not here to play the Grinch, but rather to share some tips to help you avoid going the way of Scrooge, stay unbothered, and maybe even find a little peace on earth and goodwill this holiday season.

Now that we’ve decked the halls with a dash of real talk, let’s sleigh those stressors and unwrap these top tips to keep your peace as well-preserved as a holiday fruitcake

Make Your List & Check it Twice

When it comes to the holiday hustle and bustle, a little planning goes a long way. Start by jotting down all the tasks that need your attention, from gift shopping and meal planning, to scheduling holiday parties and events. Prioritize these items based on urgency and importance, and remember: not everything has to be done at once. Break those tasks into manageable chunks, and schedule them out so you don’t find yourself in a last-minute panic. This way, you’ll be able to enjoy the festive moments instead of stressing over what’s next on your to-do list. It’s okay to prioritize what brings you joy and peace, and say no to that extra gathering that feels more like an obligation than a celebration. Remember, your mental health is more important than making an appearance at every event, or the number of cookies you bake.

The Pressure Cooker of Perfection

Each holiday season brings its own set of expectations: flawless decorations, delicious meals, thoughtful gifts, and picture-perfect outfits. This pressure can be overwhelming, and trigger meltdowns that feel like your inner child is throwing a tantrum.

Perfectionism is a cruel mistress. It sets an impossible standard that only creates stress and diminishes your joy. As a recovering perfectionist myself, I know this all too well. Instead of striving for perfection, aim for good enough. If your decor isn’t Pinterest-post worthy, or you accidentally burned dinner, learn to say f*ck it, and declare it a “unique holiday experience.” Remember, no one really cares if your gingerbread cookies are a bit wonky—they’ll still eat them. Embrace the imperfection, and if all else fails, just DoorDash something.

Manage Expectations

The late, great George Carlin once said, “Want to know the secret to happiness—low expectations.” Now, this is not the same as having high standards for yourself. Expectations are often about what we hope will happen, which can lead to disappointment since we can’t control others’ actions. Standards are the personal guidelines we set to measure our own behavior. Expectations are like trying to predict the weather with a wish; they can leave you drenched in disappointment when it rains on your parade. Standards, on the other hand, are what you can control, like bringing an umbrella.

Managing expectations (both yours and those of others) is crucial for an unbothered holiday season. It’s easy to get caught up in the nostalgia of past celebrations, or to compare your life with others, but remember, every year is different. Comparison is a thief of joy. Instead of measuring this year’s holiday against previous ones, or scrolling through perfectly-curated posts online, focus on what brings you joy in the present moment. Communicate openly with loved ones about what you can realistically achieve and set boundaries to protect your peace. By embracing the uniqueness of this season and letting go of unrealistic comparisons, you’ll create a more fulfilling and enjoyable holiday experience for yourself and those around you. Depression is often rooted in thinking about things in the past, and anxiety is rooted in a projection into the future, so do yourself a favor and focus on the now. This moment is a gift, “that’s why it’s called the present.”

Boundaries

We couldn’t talk about managing expectations without bringing up one of my favorite topics, boundaries. Boundaries and managing expectations go together like egg nog and brandy. Boundaries are your best friend during the holidays. Whether it’s avoiding uncomfortable conversations, or steering clear of that one in-law who always brings up deeply-divisive politics in the wrong setting, be firm yet polite. Use phrases like, “Let’s save that topic for another time.” or spark another debate. Like, “Is Die Hard really a Christmas movie?” Better yet, step away and go refill your drink. Boundaries are such an important topic, I wrote a whole post on it—link at the bottom.

Memories & Triggers: The Ghosts of Christmas Past

The holiday season often brings a whirlwind of emotions, and it’s completely normal to feel a mix of joy and sadness as memories flood back, especially those tied to holidays past. Nostalgia can be a double-edged sword; while it helps us cherish moments gone by, it can also trigger feelings of loss and longing for what once was. I lost my father a few years ago, right before Christmas, and it still makes me so sad that just typing this sentence brings tears to my eyes. Sad memories during this time can feel especially poignant, as the contrast between joyous celebrations and personal grief becomes more pronounced. Acknowledge these feelings without judgment; they’re a natural part of the human experience. To cope, consider creating new traditions that honor the past while focusing on the present. Engage in activities that uplift your spirits, like volunteering, or connect with loved ones who understand your feelings. Journaling can also be a powerful way to process your emotions, allowing you to reflect and release any heaviness. Remember, it’s okay to feel a range of emotions during this season—it’s all part of this journey we call life.

Create New Traditions

When it comes to the holidays, it’s time to forget about what society dictates they should look like and embrace the joy of creating your own unique traditions. This season, focus on what truly brings you happiness, whether that’s a cozy pajama day spent binge-watching your favorite holiday movies, luxuriating in some self-care, or planning a memorable holiday event with family and friends. The beauty of the holidays lies in their adaptability—who says you can’t celebrate the season in your own fabulous way? By crafting traditions that resonate with you and your loved ones, you’ll not only spark joy but also create lasting memories that reflect your personality and values. So go ahead, mix it up, and enjoy some holiday cheer.

Travel Troubles: Planes Trains and Automobiles 

Traveling to visit family during the holidays can be a mix of excitement and stress, as it often comes with its own set of challenges. From having to find someone to watch your beloved pet while you’re gone, to navigating crowded airports and potential travel delays, the journey can feel overwhelming. Once you arrive, staying in someone else’s home can also bring its own set of dynamics, from differing routines to sharing space with relatives who may be less we’ll say, “conscientious” than you.

To deal and make the most of your time, set realistic expectations and communicate openly about your needs. Embrace flexibility—sometimes plans will change, and that’s okay. Bring along a few comforts from home, such as your favorite cozy blanket and a good book, to help create a sense of familiarity. Most importantly, carve out some personal time amidst the festivities, whether it’s a quiet walk, or a few moments of solitude to recharge. By focusing on all the things you’re excited about, and approaching the experience with an open heart and a sense of humor, you can turn potential anxieties into cherished memories.

Go in Gratitude

As we navigate this holiday season, let’s take a moment to reflect on what truly matters: the love, laughter, and connections we share with those around us. Embrace the imperfections and find joy in the little things—whether it’s a heartfelt conversation, a shared laugh, or the warmth of togetherness. The true meaning of the holidays lies not in perfection, but in appreciating the moments that unite us, even when things don’t go as planned. This time of year also serves as a poignant reminder of those who may be less fortunate, inviting us to extend compassion alongside our gratitude. So, roll with the punches, celebrate the absurdity, and let gratitude be your guiding light this season. By focusing on the blessings, both big and small, we can elevate our holiday experience and uncover the beauty of the moment.

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Want to learn more way a to protect your peace? Check out our post about boundaries. Click the button below. 👇🏻